Strong Opinion That I Am Unlikely To Change

Haters, Stay The Hell Out Of My DMs

I love yoga. It makes me happy and I wish I did it more often.

But, man, if one more 22-year-old lectures me about chakras I'm going to freak.

Chakras are not a thing. They don’t exist. They aren’t real.

We don’t have chakras. We have organs, tissue, bone.

Have you ever heard of a quadruple-chakra-bypass surgery saving a life?

Chakras are a thing that people invented to help explain stuff. But now we know more about said stuff so we don’t need chakras.

Chakra-lovers, stay the hell out of my DMs.

Strong Opinion That I Am Unlikely To Change

Stay Out Of My DM's, Haters

Can I please say what we’ve all been thinking?

Most wedding speeches are unforgivably bad. 

In general, people are horrible at saying interesting or insightful things about other people in public.

I think many people assume that because they love somebody, they'll have something worthwhile to say about them. Unfortunately, some combination of the following is usually what happens:

  • They say something horribly generic, like “[bride] is the nicest person I know” or “[groom] is a great guy”

  • They tell a you-kind-of-had-to-be-there story that elicits nothing but nervous laughter, or silence

When you say generic things about a person, it makes me think that one of two things is true: a) you actually don't appreciate the person or b) the person actually is as generic and boring as your speech.

Clearly, though, nobody is going to give people feedback on wedding speeches ("hey man, here are seven things I didn't like about your toast...") so they probably never realize how bad they actually bombed.

For the love of (non-existent) God, if you're planning on speaking at a wedding in the next few decades, please actually have something to say and practice, practice, practice.