An Important Update On The Whole “Baby On Board” Thing

As Promised, I Have Doubled Down On This Opinion

A couple of weeks ago, I publicly proclaimed that "Baby On Board" bumper stickers are clearly stupid and do nothing to keep babies safe.

I had done absolutely no research, my opinion was based entirely on my own reasoning, and I had no interest in actually developing an informed view. To make that clear, I titled my rant, “Strong Opinion On Completely Trivial Thing That I Am Unlikely To Change And Could Actually See Myself Doubling Down On If Challenged".

Hilariously, I was challenged.

I was told that "Baby On Board" stickers alert first responders to search a vehicle for a child in the event that there is an accident. Therefore, they are not dumb.

That actually sounded reasonable. Except, wait. What? Wouldn't first responders already search an entire vehicle after an accident anyway? They need a bumper sticker to tell them to?

I'll spare you the details, but it turns out that, indeed, "Baby On Board" stickers play zero role in an emergency. Or ever. They don't do anything. They continue to be dumb and my negative opinion of them has grown to near-religious levels of zeal.

I have done a ludicrous amount (approximately 10 minutes) of research now and it's already come at great personal expense. For example, I've been forced to read things like this gem from Quora contributor Christopher Richards:

Christopher, thank you for your contribution to this debate. Mine seems mild by comparison.